Death to the cell phone by Apple Juice

X posted from Jeremy's Blog: A Goat in a Turtle Shell

A few of you received my email , "Needing phone numbers" where within, I composed a short bit of tale that my phone had suffered a horrible watery death. You took to yourselves to surmise that my phone suffered a death of truly epic proportions. Rumors of a toilet and a peeing incident, a bottle of Stanahan's and an attempt to get a phone bound friend drunk, and even scandal of a tub full of jello and a fun evening with my wife. Sorry friends but I must dispel all of these rumors and tell you the truth.

It was a bottle of apple juice that did my ancient relic of a cell phone in. I had that phone since before I even had children and even then I think it was a few years older, being drug out of a useless trinkets drawer and given to me by my father in law. Though younger then my old bag phone and even younger then the old radio CB that I could cook my lunch upon the antenna, it had served its life. I'm sure at least some of my friends might even be happy to know this phone is gone, being the battery could not hold a charge longer then 5 minutes when I was talking on it so everyone I spoke to got hung up on or so they thought.

It was a harmless enough day. I had just gotten back from Riding the Lake with Lubes and Spike. My wife, the lovely Missus Goat needed to get some work done without the chitlins running between her legs. So I took the little ones for a short hike on the Stonehouse Trail in Lakewood. At the trailhead there was a store and within that store a bottle of some over sugared kid's oriented crap drink that my oldest really wanted. Being a somewhat responsible father I directed her to the apple juice instead, which while still being over sugared, contained none of the dyes, high fructose corn syrup, and preservatives of that over sugared kid's oriented crap drink.



I let Ayla take a drink of her juice, I allowed her to put the cap back on and I slipped the bottle into my coat pocket beside my phone. Later, while walking down the trail I noticed a golden liquid raining on the snow at my feet, realizing I was not drunk, therefore not publicly peeing myself I took the bottle out of my coat pocket and found it to be three quarters empty compared to the three quarters full that it had been when first put there. Of course I quickly pulled the phone out but being submerged in the golden liquid, it had suffered its fate, to be a shorted hunk of plastic and circuits. So there you have it, no epic tale of a bathroom incident, no scandal of a tub full of jello, my wife and myself and no Stranahan's, though if your still looking me a present, a bottle or two would be nice.

By the way, with the purchase of my new LG ENV3, I decided I should lose my old east coast number and become a true Colorado Man with a local number. So if for some reason my email missed you and you want my new number give me a shout at the email on my profile page.